I wonder what happened. What made me go down this path? What made me choose it? I have fallen in my Faith and I can't pin point the exact time. Actually .. thats a lie .. I think I can pin point it, but not entirely sure. I became one of those people I can't stand. Someone who says they are a Christian but do the exact opposite. I can't stand that. I am so ashamed to admit it but there it is. My walk with God has fallen. And I have no one to blame but myself. Growing up my faith was never really important to me. I am one of those, need to find things out for myself. (yes I know, bad trait, I am working on it). I finally found my way and got pulled off. I became someone who I know I will be ashamed of for the rest of my life. I have been struggling to find my way back. I know its going to be a long and difficult journey but I know I can do it. Jackie has been doing Bible studies and she gave us an assignment. To re word 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Here is what I came up with -
Jarred teaches me no matter what, love always keeps a calm temper, and works things out instead of getting irritated with me. Jarred shows me how to love by his example. Jarred shows me he loves me by putting the kids and I first, even though most of the time I don't see it and never asks for anything in return. He does not bring up my past mistakes and throw them in my face. Jarred wants the truth, no matter how hard it is to hear. Most of all, he teaches me that if you love someone, no matter how much they mess up, they will still stand by your side through the thick and thin. The good and bad and love you no matter how badly you mess up.
One thing I have come to realize though, and I should of listened to my own advice a while ago, good things aren't easy. I have to work. It doesn't just happen. I have a lot of growing up to do and a lot of faith seeking Bible studies. But hopefully I will get there sooner then later.
So yes, for those of you wondering, I have fallen away. And for those that read my blog and don't like me, please try and forgive me for whatever I have done to you.
6 comments:
Oh, Jaci! We have all fallen at one time or another. Some of us fall harder than others and struggle longer but it is the pulling yourself up and moving forward that is the important part.
Now, read that passage again and substitute "Jaci will" at the beginning. You can not change Jared. You can only change Jaci. It was then when I started REALLY working on myself that my own marriage was able to heal!
You act, he reacts! That was a lesson I learned many years ago. Our marriage is an act and react relationship. So when I act good to him, he reacts good to me but it may take time for him to "get it" and start to turn around with the good coming back.
I also, had to learn to confront my own feelings and talk to him about what I am feeling before it gets heated. I am basically a non-confrontational person, I don't start arguments, try to be agreeable, the peacemaker...which translates into held in my feelings so he had NO IDEA I was hurting.
And as far as this "people who read your blog but don't like you", I have no idea who that is. Why would anyone read a blog of someone they do not like?
You are so young, a baby raising babies as I was, so much to experience and learn.
Things do get better!
And in the end....Christians win!
I love you.
You ain't stayin down, sweetie. And that speaks louder than anything you shout out from the top of a roof.
Isn't Darla three shakes past wonderful?
Just the fact that you are able to put this all on "paper" shows a woman wanting to be better. All of us can look back and see our failures, but we go on. You have lots and lots of people who love you and want your life to be one of peace and contentment. Sometimes that takes a long time to achieve, but in the end - what could be better? Just don't quit.
i luv ya, hunnybuns *hug-n-muah*
Darla said it all and is SO right! There is some wisdom there!
You are going to make it - no doubts here. From one who has dug the dirt from my nails after clawing my way up to one who is starting, know that you will make it. The testimony you share with others will be more glorifying than you could have ever imagined. God is good! Remember - all it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed. :)
Seriously...are we indentical sisters that don't look alike and were seperated at birth or something?? Don't think you are the only one that is in the place you are! We can both do this! We have God on our side so who can be against us?
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