Wednesday, October 04, 2006
An awful night
ok well it is another awful night. (for those reading this is a depressed kind of blog, so if you arent in the mood for a depressed reading, dont read it. this is just things that I myself need to get out) James of course is giving me the hardest time going to bed. If you have been following my blogs you will see that he doesnt like going to bed now a days. Well i went to go put him to bed and he starts screaming. so I go in there once and give him a spanking because he wouldnt listen to me when I told him to get back in bed (yes we spank our kids, no flaming please!!!!!) so he gets back in bed, and of course he is still screaming and so I just let him scream figure he will tire himself out. Well no such luck. About 15 mins after that I go in there to tell him to get back in bed. I walk in and I can smell that he went to the bathroom. So I bring him out and change him and hold him and rock him for about 10 mins thinking maybe it would calm him down?? Well it DID calm down, but only as long as I was holding him. I put him in his bed and he starts screaming, not like crying screaming (he was doing that too, but this screaming is something I have never heard, atleast not from him) like a bloody mary scream. So I went in and told him stop, I tell him to stop and give him like 6 sec to stop and then I spank him) and I spanked him because I know nothing is wrong. He just wants to be up and I do NOT want him thinking that just because hes mad he can scream bloody murder and wake everyone up. Sorry, that aint happening. He has to learn respect for EVERYONE in the household, its not just him living here. Well after every spanking he would quiet down and I would turn around to walk away and he would start screaming again. So finally after like literally the sixth time (and no I didnt spank him 6 times) I just left the door open. he just did his "whimpering" for like 5 minutes and I havent heard him since I started writing. So now maybe I am thinking he is scared of the dark?? And I feel just AWFUL because if he IS scared of the dark then I was spanking him because he is scared?????? AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just feel as if hanging my head down low and crying and going in there and just hugging him until, well, until Jarred gets home because I need my arms free for him. I just feel awful if that is case. I feel like such a bad mom. Gosh I NEED JARRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant say that enough ............................................ I know you hear me God, and I know you think I can handle it, but right now I just cant handle anymore. I just want my husband!!!!!!!
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2 comments:
you make my heart ache for you! i am praying for you and for your jarred to get home quickly!
gosh, you and I are a lot alike. I've been struggling with this exact feeling for two days now. I cried myself to sleep last night (very quietly so Tony didn't know) and then I had to physically walk out of the house before dinner so I could cry in peace. I wish you could just walk away to cry, but you can't with the kids and no Jarred. Man, I pray he comes home soon. I struggle with Gabe right now because he won't do what I'm telling him either. And I'm just like you, I won't stand for it. He gets a spanking and cries and screams and he only gets worse instead of better. Come to realize he doesn't understand and I've been spanking him for not understanding! Poor guy. Thank God we don't retain much of our early childhood memories because Gabe would be warped for life. Well,...he will be warped because he is MY child, but maybe not from the meaningless spankings. *whimper* I feel ya girl!!
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