Friday, September 01, 2006
Jarreds gone .. :(
ok so Jarred left today. Kind of came really fast and kind of unexpectedly. I hate those times when things all the sudden happen and they just sneak up on you and make you realize how much you wanted to do with them but didnt. The part that gets me, and I dont know if I should feel bad about it, is I am not to sad yet. Its kind of like our routine, yeah sad to say but the truth hurts. Home for about two weeks and then gone again. I guess you can call it "deployment mode"??? I dont know .. but maybe it just hasnt kicked in yet. Or maybe I am still hoping that he is coming home soon. who knows. Sometimes I start thinking about how things are and how I WANT things. Two totally different things but at the same time I couldnt see things differently. Maybe its I dont want things differently?? Having Jarred gone has made me a stronger person and I think a better parent. I am able to take care of things on my own (although its an awesome break when hes home to have some help from him), and able to handle things better. I HAVE too .. I dont have a choice. I think when things happen you have to make do with it. Theres no ifs, ands or buts with it. Its, "this needs to get done now and I have to do it" .. I guess thats growing up huh??? Sometimes this whole grown up thing isnt to fun .. :) .. but it sure does have its rewards, when your son wakes up and walks out in the morning with the biggest grin on his face and he just fills your heart with these memories of him being a little boy. Because I know that in a blink of an eye he will be grown up with a wife and a kid of his own. Scares the crap out of me when I think of that. Then theres Julie, I dont even want to think about what the future holds in store for us with her. She is gonna be a beautiful girl and I just hope that we can raise her to be a good kid and an even better christian. Now I know why parenting is so scary for people. I am so scared of failing these kids. I am so scared I am going to let them down. I know in way or another they will think I let them down but I surely hope I dont royally mess up. Crazy, the things you realize when you write it all out. Ok well I am done babbling. (and Jarred said I have A.D.D when I write, I jump from one point to another and then back to the first. So just FYI if you are going to start reading this blog. Hahaha)
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7 comments:
Oh mi word, do you have the fear thing pegged or what?? I often wonder if i knew then what I know now, would I have kids? I honestly don't know. The fear of failing is one powerful jerk that rears it's head for the rest of your life . . oh, sorry. wasn't very uplifting, was I?
uh . . what about them spurs? (that's what I say when I know I've come to an impass in the conversation! ha!)
Oh mi word, do you have the fear thing pegged or what?? I often wonder if i knew then what I know now, would I have kids? I honestly don't know. The fear of failing is one powerful jerk that rears it's head for the rest of your life . . oh, sorry. wasn't very uplifting, was I?
uh . . what about them spurs? (that's what I say when I know I've come to an impass in the conversation! ha!)
not sure why that posted twice. guess I must have REALLY MEANT IT!
From one mother to another, fear is what drives us to do our best everyday. Also, we will never please everyone all of the time and what our children look at us as letting them down often are not letting them down at all. It is guarding them from hurts and things that can damage them permanently. I know as a mother I was not perfect. We all have our weaknesses. Just keep on keeping on and doing what you know is best for those beautiful little ones. It all comes together because you have placed them in God's hands.
I was browsing the bb that I read and found this and thought it related well to your comments on what you want.
WHAT YOU WANT
What do you want? And what are you actually doing about it?
Whatever things you are actively working toward are the things you truly want. Anything else is what you merely say you want.
As each day unfolds, you use your time, energy, creativity and resources to bring certain things to reality. Those are the things you truly desire.
You can, of course, reconsider, re-prioritize, add to and subtract from what you want. Yet the fact remains that whatever you really want is clearly evidenced by what you commit the whole of yourself to.
And so it is also true that whatever you sincerely want, you will have, you will achieve, you will become. Nothing can stand in your way when you have focused all that you are on a particular set of objectives.
So choose with care those things you truly want. For your life is always making them real.
-- Ralph Marston
I think any parent that doesn't have that fear shouldn't be a parent. The thing is that when you have a God as faithful as ours we have no reason to fear. Trust in Him and all those fears are taken care of. Just don't hold too tight to the fear or it will be difficult for Him to do His work. God is faithful and true and there isn't much you can do other than trust and obey. (I hear a melody...Amy LaMore...is that you?)
I'm not a parent but everyday I am in charge of 20 little futures. If they can't read, write, and calculate when they leave me, who knows if the next teacher will help them get to where they need to be? Most of them don't have parents that take the time to actually help them academically. Some students won't even see the next grade if they don't meet the requirements set for them. So is the fear real? That is a big, fat, keep you up at night YES! It is motivating and un-nerving all at the same time. But the love that accompanies that fear is so much stronger. What a twisted emotion!
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